So you think newborns are hard? You think toddlers are hard? You think preschool tantrums are hard?
You think a whiny 7 year old is hard? You think a sassy 11 year old is hard?
Let me tell you…that is a cake walk compared to an almost 14 year old that,with a help from a friend, pushes the limits. I have been emotionally and physically exhausted the last few days.
I saw it happening over the last several months. The staying up late, the lack of communication, the sneakiness about borrowing a friend’s bikini, the dark eye make-up, the drama surrounding boys, not going to bed when told and getting back up to apply facial masks and eat raw cookie dough…. I saw it all. I also saw her attitude change, she became less motivated with school, more worried about being with one said friend, less enthusiastic about going to Cali to be with her favorite cousin. What I didn’t see was her changing her FB password, BIG OLE NONO! If I don’t know her password she doesn’t have a FB or email. This sent up red flags so I changed her password and what I read broke my heart. I read that she doesn’t like me, I know this is normal teen behavior but it still stung. It stung like the biggest and fattest bee!! Then what punched me in the gut was when I read “I don’t give a shit anymore”. To read this was like failure to me, I felt I failed at being her parent. Then I read her friend say “Rock On!!!!!” and I was mad! So mad, never been so mad! What kind of friend encourages you to not give a shit anymore? A good friend should encourage her to talk to me so we can fix the problem. A good friend says “you don’t mean that, JJ. You are just upset”.
I was fuming! She was with said friend and said friend’s sister was taking them to a movie later. I started to wonder why sister was taking them and not dad. So I text JJ and asked questions. Turns out boys were going to the movies too. UMM HELL NO! Then I found out that said friend’s dad is okay with boys going to the movies with them….We are not okay with that. That is just asking for trouble to happen and I am not okay with my 13 year old hanging out with boys in a dark movie theatre.
I didn’t sleep that night, not at all…I was so mad. I had a session the next morning at 7:15 and I think the last time I looked at the clock it said 3 something.
After my session I picked my daughter up at said friend’s house. I went on and on about how hurt I was, how things are going to change. I took her phone away, Mr. Fun deleted her Facebook account. She needed to unplug and realize what she was doing was pushing the limits and not at all in any way okay with her parents. Her friends parents may be okay with talking until 1am and adding boys that you don’t know on FB BUT we are not!
What I forgot about was that you can text on an Itouch….I let her have her day of texting. She texted right in front of me all day like I didn’t know what she was doing. I wanted her to think I was dumb for a little bit and I wanted to read what she had been talking about. The next morning she took a shower and I deleted the app and passcoded all other apps so she couldn’t download it again.
Not sure why she thought I was dumb to begin with, I see it all. I am okay with most of it and that is why I never said anything about it before she pushed it too far.
So these fun, carefree, open minded parents have changed. That is what happens when our teen thinks that her rude behavior towards her little brothers (especially when said friend is around) is okay. This is what happens when her grades slip, this is what happens when our teen stops talking to us and when she does her voice has a bit of disrespect in it, this is what happens when our teen starts acting like someone we don’t know.
If she didn’t like me before she’s going to hate me now!! But she doesn’t give a shit so I guess not seeing her said friend for awhile and not having her phone or FB account shouldn’t bother her too much.
When she proves to me she can accept her boundaries and stand up to her friends when they want her to push the limits she won’t be doing much. She’s a super smart and sweet girl that has been influenced to not use her better judgement and somehow think it’s okay to talk disrespectfully to adults and others. This makes me feel like I failed her. This breaks my heart, she’s only 13…can you imagine what she’ll be like at 16 if she continues on this path? I don’t want to think about it. I would rather her hate me then find out she got into serious trouble because she lied to me.
I want her to have fun and enjoy her teen years BUT I want her to do it respectfully and be smart when making decisions. I don’t want to tell her NO when she wants to go to a party but I have to trust her first. I have to know she isn’t going to let peer pressure get the best of her.
Raising teens is not for the weak…would rather have sleepless nights because a nursing baby thinks she has to eat all night….
