A new school is hard, yes. It has different rules, different people and no friends. I switched schools almost every school year. My mom was a gypsy,seems I inherited a little of that. So when my boys say they don’t like school because of these little things and don’t want to go I get frustrated. I know it’s not easy, I know it is hard. I also know that school isn’t an option. You can’t stay home just because you don’t what to go. The first day of school went off without a tear from anyone.
Second day of school, whole other story. Not only are the boys learning new rule and routines so am I.
So it was rough. Wy cried all morning about not wanting to go school, G complained all morning about the lunch rules. T started to follow their ways and I had to bring this train to a halt. No way am I going to let T’s brothers ruin his Kindergarten experience.
By the time we got to school I was so flustered. We passed G’s line and he almost started crying because he couldn’t find it, I quickly found it before his tears started. Wy’s tears were flowing. Parents aren’t allowed behind the school where the kids line up but Wy didn’t know where to go. I was stopped by a duty aide and my stupid tears started flowing. I couldn’t stop them, I went to answer her question and all I could was hold up 3 fingers. She wanted to know what grade he was in and I stood there with tears streaming down my face looking like an idiot holding up 3 fingers like I was 3. I was flustered and I still hadn’t got T to his proper place. I was given a visitor sticker like that makes it okay for me to be back there…..stupid stickers,in my opinion. So to get to the third grade class line ups we had to walk all the way down the bus lane to cross and then all the way back up on the other side. I knew I couldn’t get both boys where they had to be on time. So I sucked up my tears, put on my tough love face. I told Wy where to go and to hustle because he would be late if he didn’t or he would make T late if I had to walk him all the way back. By now his tears were gone and he just nodded. I didn’t have time to watch him, I just hoped he would be fine. I walked T around the front of the school to the Kindergarten doors, kissed him and he was quickly shuffled through another set of doors to the playground.
There I stood,overwhelmed, worried, guilty and exhausted. I decided to check on each of the boys before leaving campus. I still had my powerful visitor sticker on so I could roam the halls freely without getting in trouble. I looked in on G, he was fine..no tears but didn’t look happy. I didn’t want him to see me so I quickly ran down the stairs and peeked in at Wy….broke my heart. He looked so sad. He was just sitting at his desk all slumped over with his head in his hands. So of course, I started to cry. I tried to hold back the tears while I made my way to peek at T. I had a lump in my throat and I am pretty sure I had that “ugly try not to cry face” working for me.
What I saw when I looked in on T made it a little better. He looked like T listening and watching. No tears from him.
So here I am crying all over again because I hate that they don’t like their new school. I know it’s going to take time and before too long this school will be home to them but for now it sucks. There are going to be things they never like about this school, just like their old school but I am hoping there is more to love. I hope that they make friends. Wy said he just say alone on the playground yesterday because he didn’t know what to do. Another tear jerking moment for this mom.
Nobody writes books about this, why not? What am I supposed to do with all these emotions? How can I get through these mornings without tears myself? It breaks your heart when your kids are struggling, nobody warns you of this before you have kids. You hear about how much they cost, the sleepless nights and the tantrums……
